Misunderstanding My Work: The Tale of Captain Red Flag
I wanted to share this anonymized exchange with someone I’ll call “Captain Red Flag,” because it illustrates the kinds of misconceptions I often encounter about my work. Some people may see my response as harsh, but after years of experience I’ve learned to read between the lines.
Messages that begin with assumptions about cost or with comments suggesting I should validate their appearance always signal a poor fit. By closing things off early, I keep space open for those who approach me with genuine interest.
It is also worth noting that in this case the person had written on their FetLife profile that they had “no interest in anyone asking for tributes,” so why message me to begin with?
Captain Red Flag:
Hello,
Your profile and your website sparked my interest, but I noticed that you don't list your fees anywhere. They're likely higher than I am comfortable with, but just in case I'd love to find out. My FetLife profile gives some sense of my appearance.
Me:
Hello,
It seems you have already made up your mind about my sessions and attached a negative assumption before even speaking with me.
Captain Red Flag:
Hi,
Why such a snide response? Ouch indeed :-)
It's called life experience. In most countries I've looked any activity with a mistress or sex worker costs at least $100 per hour, which is more than I'm happy to spend. If you were any different, you'd have been happy to let me know. You do sound like a lovely woman, though, and I had felt confident it would be great to subject to you.
Me:
Hello,
You have already shown me that you are not a good fit. Comparing me to a mistress or sex worker shows a lack of understanding and respect for who I am and what I do. I am a disciplinarian, and I provide safe, consensual spanking sessions between adults.
This correspondence is now closed.
Captain Red Flag:
Ridiculous. You take it far too seriously. Of course you're roughly in the category of BDSM mistresses and sex workers. It all overlaps massively. Or are you pretending there isn't any erotic aspect to what you do? And are you pretending that charging a fee for a “session” where someone exposes his/her butt to you is not a form of sex work?
And why are we even having this conversation in English while we're both in Holland? I sure hope you speak Dutch or are at least learning it. If not, please go elsewhere.
This discussion is only closed when we both agree on that. And I'm done with you now.
More importantly, I wanted to share this exchange to talk about the common misconception that my spanking sessions are considered sex work, because for years people have asked me about this and I have never really given my opinion.
Although I completely respect sex workers and Mistresses, no, I do not believe that my non-sexual spanking sessions fall under the category of sex work or BDSM sessions. My sessions do not involve sex and they do not involve BDSM, so I do not see an overlap.
I am not pretending anything. I know spankos mix sex and spanking, but within my sessions I do not do that. I never have. I never will. I understand that spanking is a huge turn on for most spankos, but from everyone I have met, spanking during my sessions is more of a mental turn on and not so much a physical one.
Yes, there is nudity in most of my spanking sessions (not everyone likes to be spanked bare), but do I find this erotic? No, I don’t, because it is a spanking session. That is the whole thing. The reason they are seeing me is to be spanked, nothing else. I am a spanker, they are a spankee.
For me, spanking is its own category. It is not under the sex umbrella. It is not under the BDSM umbrella. It is its own umbrella, its own realm, its own world. I don’t even like to call it a fetish, because to me it’s more than that. It’s love and it’s life.
And yes, I do take NaturallyGin “far too seriously.” Of course I do. People are trusting me with a very intimate part of their being. I will always take that seriously, even if Captain Red Flag could not.
